Oh, hello demons. Welcome back.

Three and a half miles, done and dusted.

The good:

  • 3.5 miles without stopping.
  • Felt like I could have gone a little longer and a little faster.
  • Didn’t get too hung up on the demon thoughts that usually get me down when I start back up with running.

The demon thoughts:

I could be so much faster if I’d kept up with this. I’m so slow. I’ve always been slow, I’ll always be slow, I hate being slow. Dad used to run when we lived in La Habra and I was, what, 14 or 15 then, which made him mid- to late-30s and I’m twenty years older than that now, fuck me I’m so old. And slow. But at least I’m starting over. I hate starting over, but isn’t every day just starting over again.  Every run is starting over.  It’s just you’ve had a few months between runs.  You’ll be back on form in no time.  Or not. There’s no way I’ll be able to get through 13.1 miles at the same speed (or faster) that I did last year (technically less than a year ago) but that’s okay, the joy is in the accomplishment, not the time.  That’s such bullshit, who really believes that?  Tomorrow is supposed to be a pace run and I know there’s no way I can keep up a race pace for more than a couple miles, let alone 5 of them, so we’re already going to have to modify the plan.  And that’s okay, but wouldn’t it be better if I were already in running  mode and could just stick with the plan rather than having to worry about it (do you really “have to” worry about it, Bob?  Is some one making you worry about it?  Give yourself a break.  Fuck off, voice of reason, these are demon thoughts, not be reasonable thoughts. You know, if you paid more attention to this book you’re allegedly listening to, you might have time for all these thoughts. ADHD running club, rules are rules.

You know, those kinds of demon thoughts.

And then the big one, which maybe I’ll write about another time.

 Why do you have to have all these goals and tracking systems and gadgets?  Can’t you just go out and run and enjoy it?


Distance 3.51
Distance to date 3.51
Route: up the beach and back, half way between end of beach and beginning of Park Forum
Listening to: “Things we Lost in the Fire”

60 days to go

Questions, comments, doubts?

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